Ending at the Beginning.

Prospective future:

Graduating before 30 - I really hope the world doesn't end this year.
Continuing volunteering at the animal shelter.
Owning another dog - yes, I will be adopting again.
Keeping some exercise routine, not necessarily CrossFit.
Practicing meditation.
Writing, writing and more writing.
Saving money for my trip to Ireland.
Finally go to Ireland.
Marry a Patrick O'Henry (not really).

Immediate goals:

Go to FIU admission office.
Start packing little by little.
Do something active every day.
Focus on the things you can control and let go of things you cannot.
Continue to work towards healing.
Stop comparing yourself to him - you are different.
Go over exercises from the book.
Reread areas that are helpful.

This is how my life will look for the next few years. It has been a long, arduous road that has led me back to school. If 21 year old me met 27 year old me, I'm sure she'd be quite surprised where life has led her. My life was always dictated by a time table created by my need to have control. Who would've ever imagined how far off the path I wandered.

So many of my experiences were brought on by my own hand. I can clearly draw the line between life's circumstances and my personal decisions. I have never been one to follow the easy route - in any aspect of my life.

So, here I am almost 4 years, a hundred life times later standing on a very familiar crossroad. I have traveled here many times and every time I have turned away - scared. Well, I have been stripped of everything - love, heart, identity, dreams. I am left with my bare essentials. I needed this, I needed to fall apart - to really fall apart - to get my second chance.

I know most who are close to me would think that back in 2007 should have held the epiphany, but it didn't. I can't explain why it didn't propel me to get my act together and push fear aside. Perhaps it was because I invested all of myself into this one person and was left broken. This broke me on a much deeper level and really forced me to figure out who I was.

Love is a potent emotion, one that I don't think anyone can ever really comprehend. It runs deep and strong, causing you to put yourself in a position that could leave you vulnerable. It pulls and pulls parts and thoughts and actions that even you didn't think you were capable of.

Love is the ultimate risk. It's a gamble - all in - all or nothing.

At least that's how I play the game. I believe this was the only way to bring me full circle. I needed my world to be torn down, so I would have the opportunity to build it back up again. I have said it before and I will say it again - this is my second chance - my clean slate.

Who would have thought, I would feel grateful? I am though. I am thankful he was able to foresee that our future together wasn't possible. He did me a favor, by breaking my heart - I had nothing left to do- but -start over.

Thanks.

Tip: Create realistic goals. Write them out and work towards them.

namaste.