After 3 years of struggling with my weight, I received the best compliment recently: I'm beginning to look less chubby and just thick. Now, for most girls, this is Not a compliment - I'm not most girls. I have learned to embrace my curves.
I have worked damn hard these last 4 months and I'm starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. Considering the event that has me led me here, it's important to feel good about yourself. After my break up I was left wondering if another man would find me as attractive, as sexy, as sweet as he once did. It's a terrible moment for your ego - it's pretty much shot. In my case it did not help that I was over weight. There was a moment there that I thought, so, this is it, then.
No sir it is not. I work out to feel good about myself, the weight loss is a plus. Looks can only take you so far. He still finds me adorable and incredibly attractive, but is that enough? No, he is still not in love with me and I'm still falling out of love with him. I had a lot of fun when I was single a few years back. I went dancing, kept lovahs, but eventually it got old and the loneliness set in.
Perhaps this is why I'm not rushing into my old ways.
Perhaps this is why I have the ability to stay celibate for a year.
I am in no mood for quick physical satisfaction.
I want the moments in between.
I want to sit on a couch listening to music - just being in each others presence.
I want to go for a bike ride to grab some ice cream.
I want to hold hands while he's driving.
I rather take this time to heal, learn more about myself and what makes me tick. I rather take this time to do all those things that I put off for one reason or another.
Until I am ready to open myself to new possibilities - I am content to just be. It has taken me some time, but I realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Tip: Continue to be strong, because whether you realize it or not - time is passing.
Namaste.
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