Friday night was an unexpected outing, due to unintentionally setting myself up on a date of sorts. Needless to say I went to full panic mode and was scrambling to get out of it - thank the world for my bff. So, what would've been a night ending with an awkward "ain't gonna happen" moment - ended instead with a friendly kiss on the cheek.
Saturday morning was all about working out and creating more callouses on my once soft hands. Time with the family and evening with friends. I have become reacquainted with my dancing shoes and my, my isn't it liberating? I feel light on my feet again - I felt awkward before due to being uncomfortable with my body. Now? I'm your modern day Janet Jackson. Ha!
It is always infinitely more fun when you have fun people dancing with you. And what may have become a late/early Saturday tradition - 4 AM found us eating yummy croissants with mozzarella and basil. I passed out at the bff's house, something I have not done in years. I always go home -always-even if the sun is coming out. Had an opportunity for much missed human interaction, but I had another panic attack.
So, I ended my weekend with my celibacy intact - but I shan't lie. It had nothing to do with my vow, but more with a fear of intimacy with the opposite sex. This is all new to me. I have never been one to shy way from sex or sexual encounters. I'm a big believer of if you have an itch and an opportunity to scratch, well, scratch away.
Just the idea of cuddling with a man sends me into panic overdrive. I did not expect the break up to mess me up in that department. I know I'm not ready to have sex with other people yet, but I wasn't aware that I was afraid to. Sheesh. I really am starting over from scratch. Ladies, if you too are suffering from this, do not - I repeat - do not compare yourself to your ex. Chances are, he is doing just dandy and is probably immune to this illness. The upside to this - being celibate isn't going to be too difficult.
Tip: Start exercising. I cannot begin to tell you the wonders of working out. I know it's hard to imagine even moving sometimes, but it will be worth it. Just having endorphins pumped into your system is reason enough. Exercising was my anchor, my buoy that kept me from drowning. I did not begin working out to lose weight - I began working out for my sanity. So, do yourself a favor and go for a walk.
Namaste.
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