I will not give up!

Okay ladies.
Here it is -
the Truth:

Women can do anything a man can - even better.*

*except when building ridiculous IKEA furniture
 














All I did was open the box, shift it's position and-
I find myself with a pulled muscle or something.

My "I am woman - hear me roar" - took off running.
I let a box and a bag full of screws, nails and little round silver things get the best of me.

Ladies this is just another adventure in the life of a single woman.
Ha!
Do not despair!

As you can see I eventually built the damn thing!

with the help of my only male constant: Pop (grandpa)

So, don't give up!
Roll up your sleeves - stretch (you'll thank me later)
Just jump right in - that's the only way to do it.

Oh and my pulled muscle and I survived intact.
Ain't it purty?

namaste.

Shift into Drive

Another week closer to starting school.
I've never been in a bigger rush to end and start a new month.
My life is ready to discover what is on the other side -
of the mountain that has been the last years.

I'm ready and prepared for a break.
Life has led me to the bottom, up again and has dragged me to the bottom again.
Now I have dusted myself off -
I'm ready to face the world on my terms.

So thank you.
Second chances are rare occurrences.
Though my heart remains bruised -
it is well worth it.

For the first time in a really, really long time,
I have shifted gears.
Neutral is falling behind as I roll -
into drive, forward, onward.

End. Only to begin again.

namaste.

Extended thoughts...

Loneliness.
I did not think I would become reacquainted with it so quickly.

Why would I?
I mean, I was single for 5 years and only started feeling lonely by the 5th year.
So, what's the difference?

Age.

I was in my early twenties back then and so were my friends.
It was fun being single.
I always had someone to go out and party with.


And yet.
Here I am - contemplating and speculating:
How long will it be this time around?

I am part of a dying breed.
Our numbers are dwindling as of now.
We must find each other.

Its a different kind of Hunger Games.

namaste.

Hello Dolly.

Shame on me for going so long without a post.
What can I say? I have not been inspired.
For the last few weeks I have been stuck in a rut of sorts.

I am currently unemployed, but found a job in FIU.
My educational future is in the air - talk about stress.
I am broke. Which is a terrible thing at my age.

My moods shift between sadness and numbness.
I'm just tired of the ups and downs of life.
Sigh.

So, I think it's finally happening.
I have no desire to hear his voice.
I have no desire to see his face.

I am not angry; I am accepting my reality.
I have accepted that the best possible thing is to keep him as far from my life as possible.
I have also accepted that he does not want to take part of my life or me in his.

It's an unfortunate thing.
The one person you always counted on, on always being there - well, isn't.
Three intense years have dwindled to a mere hello on the occasion that we may see each other.

I'm opting out.
I'd rather have my memories and never see him again,
than to suffer polite conversations.

It is a decision I have made.
He can never give or be what I want.
I will never be enough or be who he wants.

I cannot settle for acquaintances.
I can settle for friends,
but that will never come to be.

So instead I am ready:
to move forward
and
leave him and this all behind.

namaste.

Welcome home...

Hello world. It has certainly been a long time since my last post.
I have seemed to have lost my inspiration for this and for a few other things.
Not sure what is going on currently, but I am in a rut.

It has been as of late this feeling of sadness.
Unfortunately I am a terrible example of being single in your late twenties.
I am a better of example of what not to do and how to maneuver this emotional roller coaster.

I am not out there dating, nor do I want to date.
I am not willing to put myself out there.
I have zero experience with the single world.

I am bitter.
I am hurt.
I am empty.

There's nothing left for me to give.
Putting yourself back together takes time - lots of time.
I'm still falling out - begrudgingly so.

So it's one day at a time.
Right?

namaste.

I need a holiday...

Home is where ever I'm with you.

How hard it is to let that go. So very hard.

Home let me come home. I am home, home is when I'm alone with you.

How difficult it is to accept the loss of your home. I can barely breathe.

Flashes of what your future was supposed to be - haunt your thoughts.

one day at a time.

namaste.

Let it burn...

This is the fuel of my fire. The reminder that I have an excess amount of strength if I just believe in myself.

I need to stop worrying, stressing and being afraid of what the future may bring. I owe it to myself to live in the moment. I cannot afford to not learn from my past mistakes. Life is about now - not then.

Every day I have to remind myself that I survived my 1st heart break and yes, I realize I was younger, but I survived it. At the time I had no idea how long it would take, what it would take and where I would be when I finally knew I had healed.

I'm realizing I haven't allowed myself to grieve. Instead I push myself to move forward, to work it out, to not think about it. I chastise myself when I cry or when I miss him. In a blink of an eye I lost my life mate, best friend, lover and our dog.

The sooner I allow myself to mourn, the sooner I can move on to a healthier path. I don't want to be left an empty bitter shell of a woman. Am I going to be somewhat traumatized? Yea. Definitely.

Perhaps I can manage to salvage some part of that Old Yesi - the caring, giving, all of nothing Yesi - using all of my tools and systems.

That's all I can hope for - that and a happier tomorrow.