This is the fuel of my fire. The reminder that I have an excess amount of strength if I just believe in myself.
I need to stop worrying, stressing and being afraid of what the future may bring. I owe it to myself to live in the moment. I cannot afford to not learn from my past mistakes. Life is about now - not then.
Every day I have to remind myself that I survived my 1st heart break and yes, I realize I was younger, but I survived it. At the time I had no idea how long it would take, what it would take and where I would be when I finally knew I had healed.
I'm realizing I haven't allowed myself to grieve. Instead I push myself to move forward, to work it out, to not think about it. I chastise myself when I cry or when I miss him. In a blink of an eye I lost my life mate, best friend, lover and our dog.
The sooner I allow myself to mourn, the sooner I can move on to a healthier path. I don't want to be left an empty bitter shell of a woman. Am I going to be somewhat traumatized? Yea. Definitely.
Perhaps I can manage to salvage some part of that Old Yesi - the caring, giving, all of nothing Yesi - using all of my tools and systems.
That's all I can hope for - that and a happier tomorrow.
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