Hello Dolly.

Shame on me for going so long without a post.
What can I say? I have not been inspired.
For the last few weeks I have been stuck in a rut of sorts.

I am currently unemployed, but found a job in FIU.
My educational future is in the air - talk about stress.
I am broke. Which is a terrible thing at my age.

My moods shift between sadness and numbness.
I'm just tired of the ups and downs of life.
Sigh.

So, I think it's finally happening.
I have no desire to hear his voice.
I have no desire to see his face.

I am not angry; I am accepting my reality.
I have accepted that the best possible thing is to keep him as far from my life as possible.
I have also accepted that he does not want to take part of my life or me in his.

It's an unfortunate thing.
The one person you always counted on, on always being there - well, isn't.
Three intense years have dwindled to a mere hello on the occasion that we may see each other.

I'm opting out.
I'd rather have my memories and never see him again,
than to suffer polite conversations.

It is a decision I have made.
He can never give or be what I want.
I will never be enough or be who he wants.

I cannot settle for acquaintances.
I can settle for friends,
but that will never come to be.

So instead I am ready:
to move forward
and
leave him and this all behind.

namaste.