Clean Slate...

Ever get the feeling that you want to crawl out of your skin? I feel that way all of the time. My heart is so heavy, it’s overwhelming. What I wouldn't give for a new start, a clean slate. 

What I wouldn't give for a new mind, a new heart.

I am weighed down with sadness, frustration and hopelessness. There are times that seem as though I've had a break through. 

There have been times when I am free of myself. I now live for those moments.

Apparently 3 months should be enough time to have moved on. It’s silly to still cry after 3 months. 

Perhaps for you, but not for me. 

It’s understandable considering you are the one that has caused irreparable damage to my heart and soul. You are the one that took and took and now you have left me empty.  

A clean slate. I want to walk into the ocean and come out a brand new person. I obviously cannot erase my past, but I can have a clean slate. I can decide that from this day forward, I will be stronger. I will leave it alone. I will finally disconnect. I will stop trying to fix something that doesn't exist.

I cannot shed my own skin, but I can rid it of all the excess baggage. I can work through the tough spots and hold on to the good ones. I need to move forward, it's absolutely essential to my well being. I'm not sure where it went wrong, but it was made painfully clear that it's over - friendship wise. There will probably never be a friendship. I thought we had something special, but it was ordinary for him. I'm just an ordinary ex girlfriend that has been filed away. I have to face these painful facts and then put them behind me.

A clean slate...isn't that what we all want?

namaste.