It's like pulling teeth...

My brain seems to be malfunctioning today. I have been coming back to this blank page hoping inspiration will strike. Nope.

Forgive me, but I'm going to veer away from the whole broken heart wah wah theme for a moment.

For the last few years I have been struggling to feed my spiritual hunger. When I was a little girl, I was quite religious, well, spiritual is more fitting. I had conversations with God every night before going to sleep. Yes, they were two way conversations. We traveled to Conyers, GA to visit Nancy (gave messages from the Virgin Mary) and I believed so much I thought I saw the Virgin herself.

I was never a huge fan of church, but I went most Saturdays. Anyway, the older I became less religiously inclined. I instead turned to philosophy and discovered Buddhism. I did my research, bought books, started meditating, but I didn't feel fulfilled. It felt almost insincere from my part and it felt forced. I needed more education and so I enrolled into a Introduction to Buddhism once in FIU. I loved the course and my professor was a practicing Buddhist. With my head full of knowledge I still didn't feel genuine.

I need a guide or a teacher. So, if someone can please explain to me what the necessary steps are; I'd appreciate it. I sorta gave up for the last year or two and dabbled in Santeria (nothing serious), self help books and whatever. Buddhism has always been there though, I can't seem to shake it. So this last month I returned to my research and I want prayer beads. It definitely has to do with Eat. Pray. Love. except that she had a guru. Her journey has rekindled my fire for knowledge and self awareness.

Unfortunately, living in Miami, I find it difficult to find people or places that may help me on my journey.

I'm taking a new approach this time. I'm going to start yoga and meditating. I will purchase a set of prayer beads to help with the meditating because my brain tends to wander. I just need to start, because reading and researching is bogging me down.

I'm bringing you on this journey as well. Why stop at heartbreakville, when we can go all the way to Enlightenment?

Namaste.