It's Now or Never

I am finally going to face the music and I feel nervous, anxious and scared. I have to do this for more than one reason. The obvious one being that I need to complete my degree, finally. I also have to do this for myself, to prove to myself that I am not lost.

School was my safe haven growing up and I excelled in my courses. I was an honor student with mostly A's and B's. As my life was being torn apart at home, school was the one thing I had any control over. It kept me grounded and sane. My love for school, for learning grew as I grew, but things changed once I hit college.

That was around the time that I was diagnosed with depression. Depression took away my control over school and made it quite challenging. I struggled and my 2 years of college turned into 3 hard years. I was determined though, to get my AA and work towards my BA. My battle with depression was constant but the intensity always shifted.

Long story, short, I have worked too hard and fought too hard to not cross that finish line. I will be able to breath easier once this is resolved. I definitely believe the open issue with school contributes to my depression. I have kept putting it off and putting it off because I am afraid of what comes after. I have been stuck in the same place for so long, I've grown comfortable.

As comfortable as I may be, I have finally come to the realization that because of this many doors have remained closed to me. I now know that once I finish my degree, I will finally be able to shift from neutral and into drive. I am finally moving the small stones, instead of the whole mountain.

So fingers and toes crossed, ladies and gents! Let's see if I can't find a resolution.