I am stuck between my id and ego, and my id is beginning to take the lead. It's starting to feel like it's a big game and I'm done participating. I know I am supposed to be moving forward and leaving it all behind. I believe I am doing that for the most part, but it always breaks me a little more how long it has been. It chips away at my resolve every minute, every hour, every day that he is forgetting about me.
It's a terrible feeling, being forgotten. I am playing a game with myself. I am pushing myself a little more every day. I am trying to see just how long I can go and in the end I hope I forget in the process. It's not working though, instead it has become a daily reminder of being forgotten. Did we ever have anything real? Was is it all just kind of dream? Did I ever mean anything more to him?
I forget I knew him, knew everything about him. I am forgetting the feeling of his arms around me, the warmth of his bed underneath the covers, the smell of his cologne. His laughter is now just an echo, the feel of his hand a shadow of a thought, his lips on mine has become a memory fluttering at the edge of nothingness.
It would seem like this would all be a good thing, but it's not. It's heart breaking and soul breaking. This is a death of some sort and I am left desperately plucking at the memories as they float up into oblivion.
Now I look to Time for help.
I look to Time for answers to the questions that can never be answered.
Look to Time to ease the hurt and calm the mind.
Time to forget.
No comments:
Post a Comment