You forget how long 3 years is and you forget all the small moments, the moments that led up to love, to the work and so on. I was looking at our relationship through photos of moments long forgotten. From the way his house looked when we first met, to the way I looked, just everything was different.
The distance, the separation is the hardest. Wanting to be a part of his accomplishments, of his failures, his good days and his bad days and not having the ability to do so = painful. And this too shall pass.
I'm taking all of the appropriate steps to put my life back together. I am being responsible and have finally begun the process to fix my credit. The biggest goal right now is to finish school and I am finally ready to walk down the path. I don't expect to finish school this year and perhaps not even next year, but the idea is to start.
This is essential in the healing process. You cannot stay frozen in time or in place, because it's not going to change anything. You have to make sure to keep moving forward and picking up one painfully heavy foot and putting in front of the other. The truth is ladies and gents, that's the only thing you have control of right now, your life. You cannot make someone re-fall in love with you, no matter the memories, the tears. Bonnie Raitt had it right with her soul crushing song from the 90's.
You also cannot wait for the time to pass with hopeless hope, that he will suddenly wake up and realize what a terrible mistake he has made. In the end you will become hurt again, once you learn that he has found someone else. It is a risk not worth taking. Why hold on to someone who just wants to be free?
Still you have to wonder, are we made to be in pairs?
The word single carries such a weight once you pass 21 years of age as a woman. I am not afraid of being single, but it has never been a goal of mine. Personally, I believe we are meant to have a partner, your person to share life's experiences with. I do not think that as human beings we are meant to thrive alone, but instead together.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to get married and have children. It works differently for everyone, but the idea is the same. The best example I can give is to go on vacation by yourself. I went to DC a few years ago, and saw most of the city on my own. Did I enjoy it? Of course, but there were so many times I would turn to find someone to partake in a moment and there was no one.
Life can be lived alone as a bachelor or bachelorette, but it is so much more fulfilling with someone to share it with. Isn't that what we are all ultimately looking for? Our other half, a partner in crime?
So, why is it so hard?
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