Time waits for no one.

Woke up from a stupid dream this morning - must be because my birthday is this weekend. I always have dreams when it's a special occasion. For the most part I try to not think about him at all.

Lately, I have been analyzing time and how it different my friends lives have become from one month to the next. Both of my best friends have found their life partners within a span of a year. Within a year, I will be returning to school and hopefully graduating.

There's no white picket fences or wedding bells, but this is just as important if not more. I've also rehashed some of my not so fine moments. I feel so separated from that, but its a good reminder of how far I've come.

It went from an intense year of feeling so alive - socializing, lots of partying, making new friends, hanging with old ones. It all came crashing down at the end of the year. The next year was a stark contrast - I was empty inside, robotic, completely void of life. Until I met him.

I have taken this break up in stride in comparison to years ago. I still feel very much alive, if not a little broken. So, I'm taking the positives where I can find them. My official year begins on Sunday and I can't wait. Every month that passes is one month further away from September.

Needless to say that I have my moments of impatience- I want to see where I'm going to be a year from now. Always looking for the big picture. Well, not so much, because I am trying to live in the moment - to really feel the loss, the healing, the hope. I don't think I will fully learn the lessons and grow from this if I'm constantly focusing on months ahead.

I cannot afford to miss the lessons or mistakes will be repeated. There are certain behavioral traits that I need to work on. Until I do, until I feel as though I have grown from this terrible experience - I'm staying alone.

You waste so much time in the break up engaging dance. Time that could have been spent healing. Oh well, should haves, would haves. This time around it's finally different - I am different. My disconnection is final - about time too.

namaste.