Moving. Praying. Eating.

So it is finally here: Moving day. Well, not quite here, it's this weekend. I should be full of excitement, but instead I'm filled with doubt.

Can I do this? Am I ready?


I think it is a necessary step, towards where? I am not quite sure. It will definitely be a distraction, a positive one. It will also put some distance, though not nearly enough. I live in a room for god's sake, so packing shouldn't be difficult. Yet, I looked around last night as I crawled into bed and became anxious.



I was not expecting to do this on my own. Perhaps, this is another lesson. I'm re-evaluating my strengths and weaknesses. I have forgotten to do things on my own and for myself. So much of these last few years have been about "us" and not me.

One of the hardest things I've come to realize is just how much of my life was about "us" and I put my life on pause to an extent. He didn't though, he moved forward with his goals.

Why is it that women seem to forget themselves in relationships?

It is not the man's fault, but we do it to ourselves. I'm pretty screwed because I already am all or nothing to begin with. I have to learn to give Just give an inch.

So, now as I am on standing on a road, facing a new direction, I find myself praying. Praying to the Universe for peace and good judgement. I am not praying for love or a relationship, because that is not important. What I shall take away from all of this mess, is that perhaps, he was put in my life to help me realize just how much of old me is still present. Unfortunately, its taking major heartbreak to understand.

Moving. That is what it is all about, isn't it? I am hoping to leave behind the hurt, but I know it's not possible. It's okay though, every morning is another morning, another day filled with opportunity. The sadness will still stain my day, but it will no longer envelope it.

Tonight, I will begin packing.