So, it seems I've been stuck in neutral for the last 4 years of my life.
Moving, moving and moving along.
Shuffling of feet, only looking forward,
missing all the details and small moments, always focusing on the big picture. The universe never fails to send me signs, people and situations that should illuminate my path. I'm too scared to ever move forward.
Fear.
Such an ugly word. Such a short word. Yet it suffocates me and dictates my decisions. I have forgotten myself and have let my goals fall to the side as I march on, monotonously. Robot-like. Somewhere along the line I have stopped participating and just am.
There are moments and glimmers, when I'm driving to work and the sun is burning strong, the sky is that painful blue and all is quiet, and I am content. In that second, the Universe seems to work seamlessly, like a well oiled machine and I'm fortunate enough to be a witness.
Time.
Another short word, yet it weighs on all of us like anvil. We are all fighting against time, trying to beat time and trying to understand it. Time, like fear, looms over my head each time my eyes flutter open with each new day. Its also futile to fight time, but we do it anyway. Each and every one of us.
Well, it is Time to face my fears and finally take a step in the right direction, my direction.
Baby girl, you are SO my child. Your momma birthed you, but you are my child through and through. Fear and time, the Great Paralyzers. For a while there a few months ago I kept wondering why I kept waking up in the morning. But I gritted my teeth, hauled myself out of bed and off to my new job I went. Curiously enough, things have started falling into place and lately there have been a few instances where I have caught glimpses of myself. The one I used to be so very long ago. When I had no fear. Where I knew what I wanted to do and just went about making my dreams come true. Before you ever came into my life. I lost that part of me. I really want to find it again. KEEP WRITING. You are ENORMOUSLY talented, missy. This is your Fairy GodMother speaking! Love you lots and lots and then even more.
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